IV.

And yet, as I say all of this, I am myself forced to question how much of it is true. I haven’t really found any long-lasting answers, I just keep searching. From time to time it all starts to make sense and seems to be running smoothly, but that never seems to last. Generally, these brief times of clarity arise from interactions with the people around me—from the relationships with all of the different people that enter and depart from my life. But to say that most of these of clarity arise from interactions and relationships, it is important to also acknowledge that most of the difficult and dark times are caused by the same two things. It is difficult to understand how the highest and lowest times in life are often engendered by the same things, but it’s the truth. And if you truly consider it, it just means that when the things hat really matter are going well they can turn everything around to the bright side, whereas hen those things that really matter start to go wrong, it can cause you to forget all of the good things in your life. That is also to say that the things that really matter have the greatest range of ups and downs. I guess this is simply necessary, and completely acceptable. It’s all a part of what makes them important, and makes it possible for them to be as good as they are at times. With placing a high value on something, comes a genuine and often realized risk that is simply a part of the cost. But no matter what, the point is that these times of clarity are indeed brief and result from contact with other people most often. And without any doubt, I can say that these are not the answers to life’s many questions, but simply momentary reprieves, false and short-lasting relief. So my search continues, and I’m still as far away as when my search began.

Peace,
Justin