Old man, Won't you tell me, How did you keep courage during the war? Your friend was killed beside you, You shot a man, You walked over a thousand fallen soldiers, But you kept your courage up.
Old man, Won't you tell me, How did you hold back the tears when the Europeans took your land? You were willing to share, You were ready to help, But they took over your land, And you held back the tears.
Old man, Won't you tell me, How did you make ends meet during The Depression? Nobody had any money, Food and supplies were scarce, You had to work for next to nothing, But you managed to make ends meet.
[Chorus] So, won't you tell me, How did you survive? After everything you've been through, How did you survive? After all the pain and sorrow you've known, How did you survive? How...
Old man, Won't you tell me, How did you feed your family when you lost your job? You went into work that day, And you had to turn right around and walk back out, You didn't know how you'd make any money, But you still managed to feed your family.
Old man, Won't you tell me, How did you keep faith when you were persecuted for your beliefs? You studied and you prayed, But they told you you were wrong, And they beat the leaders of your church, But you kept up your faith.
[Chorus] So, won't you tell me, How did you survive? After everything you've been through, How did you survive? After all the pain and sorrow you've known, How did you survive? How...
Old man, Won't you tell me, How did you stay strong while you were imprisoned overseas? You were fighting for a noble cause, But the enemy captured and imprisoned you, You lived seven years in a small dark cell, But somehow you stayed strong.
Old man, Won't you tell me, How did you stay brave when the white men enslaved you? You were captured in your homeland, And shipped to an unknown place, You were forced to do what the white men said, But you still remained brave.
[Chorus] So, won't you tell me, How did you survive? After everything you've been through, How did you survive? After all the pain and sorrow you've known, How did you survive? How...
Well, it's been a vacation full of skiing. Today was my sixth consecutive day at Mount Sunapee. I'm exhausted and a little bit sore, but it has been an awful lot of fun. One of the high points of the week was yesterday. I dressed up in a giant white Tyvek sanitation suit, which was absolutely hilarious. Also, I had the pleasure of making friends with a chair lift pole. Here is how we met:
Pack your bags [Prepare], Lock your door [Good-Bye], Leave your house [Escape], Return no more [Gone].
That's not where you belong anymore, That place is old and smells of times past, Take what you need and don't return there, Learn to move on, because it wasn't meant to last.
You had such a high opinion of me, You held me above the rest, You told me you were the luckiest, You told me I was the best.
But you had the wrong opinion of me, You should have held me below the rest, I'm telling you you're not the luckiest, And I'm telling you I'm not the best.
You put me apart from the others, You thought I had something they didn't, You told me I wasn't like everyone else, You thought I could be what I didn't.
But you should have grouped me with the others, Because I don't have anything they don't, I guess I'm just like everyone else, And what you thought I would be, I won't.
Or maybe you already figured all of that out on your own.
Sometimes I get angry at the things I can't control, I get angry at the things I can't make better. Sometimes I get frustrated when I don't have the answers, I get frustrated when I don't know what to say. Sometimes I get irritated when I can't figure things out, I get irritated when I don't know what to do.
A major landmark for Thirty Nine has been reached. It has now officially received 1,000 hits, thanks to all of you who read what I have to say. Keep it coming, and I'll keep writing.
I don't believe that depression is something that simply comes on, and I don't believe that it is a medical condition. I think it is a mental state in which you stop seeing the good things in your life. It is as if you lose the ability to see good in anything, and you're only able to see the bad. When all you can see is the bad, things don't look very good, and this is when you become depressed. When this happens, you begin to give up and lose hope. You stop thinking about your future and how your current actions will affect what comes next. All you can do is focus on how bad you think things are, and how wrong everything in your life seems to you. When all of this happens, it's not a wonder you stop seeing how lucky you really are. Even though there are many people in this world who are much worse off than you are, you can't see that when you enter into a depressed state of mind. It's not a wonder that you start to forget just how many people love you and care about you. You don't realize how many people start to worry when they see you in such a state of mind. You're hardly ever as badly off as you think you are, but how are you supposed to understand or believe that when you're there?
What I personally have difficulty understanding, though, is what exactly brings it on. What can make a person who is loved and cared about by many blind to everything good in their life? What causes someone to stop seeing the good in their life? What causes a person to become depressed? I don't know how to answer these questions, because, frankly, I don't understand what can cause these things to happen. One answer to these questions that has been passed around focuses the blame on a person's body, and says that it's caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. I have a very difficult time believing this, but it's one thing that I've heard. As I stated above, I don't think it's a medical condition. I know I don't really understand the workings of the brain, I don't think anyone really does, but I think there's a lot more going on up there than chemical and nerves and reactions and stuff. I think there's a lot more to people than that, and so I reject the theory that depression is caused by chemical imbalances. I do believe, however, that one cause of depression can be related to the body. For example, I believe that when you are sick, you are more likely to become depressed; however, I would also have to say that you are more likely to become sick when you are depressed. It's difficult to say what comes first, but in my opinion it probably varies. There is also an important thing called stress which is often involved. When a person is under a lot of stress, that person is more likely to become sick or depressed or both. There is a lot that goes into each of them, and I'm not sure how often any of them works entirely by itself. Whatever the case, I don't know that anyone can answer the question as to what causes depression and so with any certainty.
I don't expect anyone will ever find an answer, simply because I don't believe that it is a medical condition that we can simply search for a certain virus or bacteria that causes it. The reason for this, is that depression is not a physical or a medical condition, it's a state of mind. It's a mental, emotional, and spiritual condition of your entire being. I believe that it involves a lot more than just your physical being, or your body, because it encompasses every aspect of you. It's something you feel, something you live, and it's something you experience. It involves the people around you, your environment, and everything that you come into contact with.
You take in an awful lot every day of your life. Each experience, each conversation, each face you see, each sound you hear, each and every thing that you come into contact with throughout a day. It all adds up to your day, it all blends together, the good balances out the bad, and your life continues. Some things matter more than others, but ultimately everything adds up and contributes to how you feel, your mood. All of this, everything, is what goes into making us who we are and shaping us. It all influences us, and we think about and consider all of this. Much of it is done subconsciously, but some part of us is affected by most of what goes on around us. Sometimes, though, we think too much about what's going on around us, and that's when we start to put things together in combinations that don't really make sense. We start thinking about what could have happened or what might happen, and we start considering what would happen or how we'd feel if something did or had happened. Somehow we start living these things in our mind, we start experiencing these things, and they affect us. Although we know none of it has happened, we can't help but think about it, and we start feeling how we would have felt if it had happened or how we would feel if it did. I believe this is one way in which people become depressed.
There is an awful lot that can be said on this topic, but I'm tired, and I have said more than I planned on saying to begin with. If you have an opinion that you would like to share with me, or if you disagree with anything that I have said, I'd be interested in hearing from you. Leave me a comment or send me an email.
They posted all of the results from Saturday's NH State Championship Meet, so I figured I'd inform everyone of how I did. Also, the Boys' team placed 16th in the state out of 27 teams and the Girls' team placed 22nd out of 29 teams. Overall it was a much better meet than last year, and I posted three personal best times. Congratulations to the FR and Nick who both did extremely well and qualified for the Regional Championship Meet. The FR placed 3rd in the 100 Backstroke and 8th in the 200 Yard Freestyle. Nick placed 4th in the 100 Butterfly and 8th in the 200 IM. Fratea, Baumgartner, and Martineau all did really well in their events, so it was by far the best showing Monadnock has ever made, and we're just going to get better. Congratulations to Keene Boys' team, this year's NH State Champions!
200 Yard Medley Relay : 1:57.58 9th Place out of 21
200 Yard Individual Medley : 2:29.56 30th Place out of 42
200 Yard Freestyle : 1:42.67 12th Place out of 18
100 Yard Backstroke : 1:06.30 17th Place out of 31
Last week went by really slowly, but it wasn’t a very bad week. I’m feeling pretty good about everything, actually. We got report cards, and I was pleasantly surprised. I thought that I had really done badly in history, but somehow I received an A-, which was my lowest grade. I got and A+ in Chemistry, AP Spanish, Keyboarding, and Honors English, and I got A’s in both Pre-Calculus and Band. So it was an excellent report card; I still can’t believe I’m doing as well as I am this year.
Tuesday was an interesting day. We had practice in the morning, but we weren’t sure if we were going to, because the weather wasn’t very cooperative, and it was snowing. We did have practice, even though, when we got to the pool we discovered that there was a two-hour delay of school. After practice, Baumgartner and I went to school with Motts and watched The Simpsons in his room. During the day I took a math competition test, which got me out of a couple of classes and doesn’t really count for anything. It was pretty difficult, so I doubt that I did very well, but that’s okay. Tuesday night, even thought it was snowing, I went to the school to watch the Girls Varsity Basketball Team’s last home game of the season, which they lost. I feel kind of bad for them, because it’s been a pretty rough season. They’ve only won one game, and they’ve had some issues with injuries. Whatever the case, it was good to go watch and support them.
The rest of the week went by really slowly, and some things happened that I wish hadn’t, but overall it wasn’t too bad. I unintentionally made someone pretty upset over what they considered a joke, so I feel pretty bad about that, but I had difficulty hearing what she had said. For some reason it really bothered me, and I said something, even though I know I shouldn’t have, because it’s none of my business really. I did, though, and there’s not much I can do. It’s a difficult thing, because I feel bad, but I also have a problem with that which was said, so I’m now trying to avoid something that I already involved myself in. Not sure what I should do about that. People are difficult, and I don’t think I’m very good at interacting with them. I try, I really do, but I just don’t think that I’m very good at dealing with people, and I hate it.
Thursday night I shaved my legs. It took close to two hours, because this year my relay team decided to get Speedos, which meant I had to shave quite a bit more than I did last year for the Jammer suits. For school on Friday, I wore shorts, shirt, and tie. I enjoy people’s reactions to my having shaved my legs, and since I’m completely comfortable with it, I can deal with the few who seem to think that there’s something wrong with it. I stayed after for about a half an hour Friday to wait for mother to pick me up. I just hung out with people in the hall-way, which was kind of fun, because Nick had his Speedo, and we were showing everyone what we’d be wearing. Then mother picked me up and we waited until around 4:00 PM when we met up with the Baumgartners to head to our hotel over on the seacoast. When we got there we put everything in the hotel and headed out to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner. We all got hamburgers, and I was pretty impressed, they make really good burgers. Baumgartner and I were doing impressions much of the evening, which kept everyone laughing, so it was a pretty good time. We returned to the hotel and decided to check out the pool and test out our Speedos. When we got down there, there were three chicks in bikinis in the hot tub, so Baumgartner and I decided we’d make a show of it. We dramatically stripped down to our Speedos and slowly made our way over to the pool. We jumped in and swam around for awhile, it was kind of fun to just relax in the water. A little while later, Fratea arrived, and told us he’d be down in a minute to go swimming. The coaches arrived not too long after, and came to the pool to talk to us, at which point the three of us decided to show off he Speedos some more. They were pretty impressed. We went up to Motts’s room after to discuss the order for our 200 Freestyle Relay, but didn’t stay long, because we would have to get up early the next morning. It was decided that Nick would lead off, followed by Baumgartner, myself, and finally Fratea as our anchor.
We went to bed, and slept until 5:00 AM Saturday morning. We all showered and packed up our bags and met everyone in the lobby for breakfast. Then we headed to UNH for warm-ups at 7:30 AM. Warm-ups went pretty well, and everyone was ready to swim. My first event was the 200 IM, which went pretty well. I was seeded 31st, so I didn’t expect to do much, but I did drop around two seconds and I’m pretty sure I placed 30th. My other individual event was the 100 Backstroke, which wasn’t until much later. The meet was fun to watch, there were lots of great swimmers there. I was seeded 15th in the 100 Backstroke, so I was kind of hoping that I could swim really well, and maybe make top 12 so I could come back and swim it again in Finals. My swim went pretty well; my stroke felt excellent, but my start and my turns weren’t all that great. I dropped more time, though, so that’s exciting. What didn’t please me, though, is that I ended up in 17th place. So, my individual swims were over, and I wouldn’t be coming back in either of them for finals. After preliminaries ended, we all went back to the hotel and got Subway for lunch. We tried to rest up during the break, but none of us did a very good job at this.
We returned to the college for finals, and when we got there we met the swimmers who had come up just for the relays. They were all pretty excited to be there, although they did seem a little nervous. Those of us who had swum in preliminaries were pretty tired, but we still had to swim our relays too, so we got back in the pool to warm-up. First we had the 200 Medley Relay, which we were originally seeded 11th in. The swim went pretty well, and I think we either dropped a little bit or gained a little bit of time, but either way we were right on our seed time. From what I heard, though we moved up a couple spots and placed 9th, but I never heard this for sure. I was disappointed with my leg of the relay, because I’ve done better, but overall it was really good. Nick and the FR had both made finals in their events, and they both swam really well, so I was happy for them. They both placed top six in one event, which qualifies them for New Englands. Also, the FR did a 1:02 in her 100 Backstroke, which I was pretty impressed with, she’s still about four seconds faster than I am at it. My next and final swim, though, was the 200 Freestyle Relay, which we were all pretty excited about, because we were seeded 9th, and we were all convinced we could drop some time. Things didn’t go exactly as we had planned, though. We dropped about a second off our seed time, but we should have done better. We placed 12th, and we weren’t exactly happy, because Nick had led off with, for him, a very slow leg of the relay. I don’t know what happened, but it’s hard to believe that if he had been swimming his hardest he would have gone that slowly. The time was good, though, and if we keep dropping, we’ll really have a shot at it next year. The other guys, including Martineau and the three freshmen who had come up just for the relay, finished off the night in style with a really impressive 400 Freestyle relay. I was really proud of them. I think the Monadnock guys’ team made the best showing it has ever made at States this year. At one point we were ranked 9th overall in the meet, but we didn’t finish there, I think we ended the night somewhere around 16th, but it’s still exciting to see what we’ve done, and where we’ve come from.
We finally left the college sometime around 10:30 PM and quite a few of us went to the Olive Garden for dinner. That was interesting, because we were all exhausted and a little crazy after being at the meet all day. The food was really good, but I had a really bad headache and my back was really bothering me. We then returned to the hotel and all went to bed. I slept pretty well, and we all got up pretty early this morning considering what we did yesterday. We went down for breakfast and then went to the pool to swim and hang out before leaving. Then we packed everything up and came home.
It was a good weekend, and excellent meet, and although compared to others in the state my times weren’t all that impressive, I’m proud of what I accomplished, and I’m amazed at how far I’ve come. No matter what, we got to swim this year, so it was much better than last year in that sense.
The Super Bowl is tonight, I’m picking the Steelers to win. Hopefully it’ll be a good game. School tomorrow…
